Birthday

08/10/2011

On 29 September, I turned……..um, well just say it was the last of the 20s for me if you know what I mean  

It was just like any normal weekday but I was a little more cheerful knowing it was my special day. Greeted by the many birthday messages on Facebook, it made me smile more.

I remembered when I turned 9, my parents threw me a birthday party in a fast food restaurant and invited many of my school friends. There were games, fried food, soft drinks, games, a cake and many presents. As I grew older my birthdays become more and more quiet and some years I don’t even get a cake.

This year Terry asked if I would like a cake and I said sure, but not on my actual birthday because it’s no fun eating a cake by myself!

We haven’t invited anyone over for dinner properly since we moved into the new place so I thought, let’s invite some friends over for a simple birthday cum housewarming get-together. I whipped up a simple meal for 10 people including ourselves.

I enjoyed every part of it – the cooking and preparing, the company and food and of course my cake! You gotta love cake. Although I had to go through the awkward birthday song before devouring the cake, it was still worth it. I have always felt the weirdest part of a birthday celebration is the song singing part, where everybody sings while you stand there….waiting for them to finish! Do you ever feel that way?

Anyway, it was a lovely evening. It wasn’t so much of my birthday and gifts, but really the warm and fuzzy feeling when you know you have friends around you. To me, that is the best birthday gift ever  

Reaching Out

Reading about Erin’s entry jolted some of my memories and inspired me to write on the topic of being too nice. Somehow I got side-tracked and wrote a post about a teenage drama I endured instead. Anyway, if you have read that story – the pillow incident I call it - you can tell by now that I was very eager to please and very non-confrontational. I have difficulty in saying no and I always wanted to be nice.

In the years ahead, many a time, I felt that I was invited for a day out only because I have a ride. Or the times when I have offered my help without being asked, and when I needed help, I could find no one. Times when I felt I have no friends I could trust, no one to listen, no one to talk to, no one to support me, no one to comfort me. No one I could truly count on. No true friend to lean on. Always taken for granted.

I particularly loved this excerpt Erin wrote in her entry:

I think that being selfish is an important aspect of selflessness – take care of yourself and you’ll be better equipped to help others. Put others first, but only if it doesn’t threaten your own well-being. It’s okay to hurt someone else’s feelings as long as it is necessary and unintentional. It’s okay if you hurt someone else’s feelings, as long as it’s necessary and unintentional. You’re allowed to say “no.” You have permission to stand up for yourself.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you“, was what I lived by.

But let’s face it, in the real world? Really? Not trying to sound sceptical but we are all human, including our friends. If you keep giving and giving without question, people will naturally take you for granted. They are not bad people, this is just human nature. I am no exception to the rule as well. I know I may have taken friends for granted too. It is okay to say NO, I can’t say it better than Erin did.

But wait, this is not my point.

One day in our student flat quite a few years ago, my housemate’s mobile phone got accidentally dropped into the toilet. If you live in Asia, you should know that some old houses do not have a toilet bowl. We have a squat toilet instead. Naturally, she was very distressed and would’ve prefered if she could retrieve her phone, fast! She had just done her business and it was a long drop down the hole, easily 3 feet!

A few minutes later, I watched as two of her guy friends attempted to retrieve her phone. First using a stick, a hook, then with bare hands! Watching them lying chest down beside the squat (yet to be flushed) toilet, faces a few inches from the toilet floor, hands reaching into the hole, I was touched. I envied her for having friends who will do pretty much anything to help. The beauty of it was, she didn’t even have to ask! I remember her telling them to give up already but they kept trying.

And then a thought struck me. If I had been the one with my phone down the toilet, who would help if asked? No one came to mind. If anyone should be lying face down, bare hands reaching into the toilet to retrieve my phone, it would be no one else but me, myself and I. I had no one.

But I also thought, I couldn’t ask anyone of such a favour, it was too much to ask. I’d rather do it myself.

That was my problem. I don’t ask. I assume that at times of need, friends will be there automatically. Just like in the movies or TV shows.

It was not that I had no friends I could count on, but I was so busy being the “selfless hero” I forget that I am allowed to ask for help and be a little selfish at times too. Sometimes, I need to be the one being rescued. I was expecting others to act like I would. And when they don’t, I get disappointed. Now that, is too much to ask/expect. They are not me.

So, here is my point. Friends are everywhere. All you need to do is reach out to them. Not sit and wait. I am glad to know that when I did reach out, I found a handful of real friends whom I know would be there for me, no matter what. No questions asked. 

Hannah And Murray’s Amazing Civil Union

16/04/2011

What makes a perfect Civil Union? White laced veils? Long white dress with a long train? Rose petals and flowers? Traditional wedding march?

For our dear flatmates Hannah and Murray’s Civil Union that Terry and I had the honour of attending, they had bubbles in place of rose petals and the theme song to Bubble Bobble instead of the wedding march. Hannah had on a pretty yellow dress in place of a white gown and made her own lovely bouquet of crocheted yellow and white roses.

I must clarify that Hannah and Murray had made the choice to have a Civil Union instead of a Marriage because Hannah was raised (and I quote) “to treat everyone as equals regardless of gender, ideology, ethnicity or sexuality”. To put things in perspective, in New Zealand, a Civil Union is a law binding contract between any two individuals regardless of gender, while a marriage (also a law binding contract) is only recognised between two individuals of opposite gender. I thought her non-discriminatory views and stand was extremely laudable.

Hannah and the bridesmaids rides

It was a very beautiful and personal ceremony, held in a little chapel at Corban’s Estate, Henderson. The theme of their Civil Union was of the popular online game that both Murray and Hannah enjoyed, Bubble Bobble! Hannah used the game’s cute theme song with her bridemaids blowing bubbles while she walked down the aisle. It was very “Hannah & Murray”

The bridesmaids

The groomsmen

As they read out their vows, I felt my eyes well up with tears. Their love and compatibility with each other shone through brightly as they stood in front of the crowd, gazing at each other’s eyes. After the vows, came the part where they read out pre-written verses – the “for richer or poorer” and “in sickness and in health” part. Only it was “for richer and more richer” and “in injury and allergies” instead! No seriously, that was what they read out, how cute! Then they kissed and sealed the deal.

The reception was held a few hours later at a community hall 15 minutes drive from the chapel. Terry and I were one of the first guests to arrive so we had the priviledge to go around taking photographs of the table settings, complete with name tags, lovely crocheted petals scattered across the tables and beautifully wrapped favours at each seat. And then there was the wedding cake that Hannah put together and decorated herself! Complete with cute Bubble Bobble characters made out of icing! Is she the most awesome bride or what?

Shortly after the newly-weds arrived, the speeches and toasts began and my, the tears started coming again! It was an incredibly warm and personal reception, one I had never experienced before although I have attended numerous Malaysian wedding dinners in the past. Somehow, Hannah and Murray made it very unique and personal…..very “Hannah and Murray” indeed. It was wonderful.

The food and dessert at the buffet was aplenty and delicious too! The highlight of the night was of course Hannah and Murray’s first dance, in which they danced to 80s disco pop! And it was fantastic! I think Hannah and Murray proved that if you put your heart to it, you can make the most perfect wedding receptions sans fancy dress and makeup or over-the-top venue decorations. This is by far the most fabulous and truly enjoyable wedding-dinner experience I have ever had.

Hannahs handmade bouquet

Here’s wishing you both eternal happiness Hannah and Murray…!

*All photographs taken by Terry, I can’t shoot for the life of me

I Am An Award Winning Blogger!

I got a pleasant surprise yesterday morning when I found out my lovely blogger friend Vix has passed on the Versatile Blogger Award to me! I’m so excited and happy to get an award, my very first blogger award, yayy…!!

My first blogger award!

Thank you so much for the honour, Vix!! Vix blogs at Little Miss Everything and has never failed to make me smile with her awesome posts. Go on, go check her out

I proudly proclaim that I accept the award

Hereby, as the recipient of the Versatile Blogger Award *ahem*, I shall adhere to the following rules:

• Thank the person who awarded you and link to his/her blog
• Tell 7 random facts about yourself
• Pass the award to 15 new found bloggers
• Contact each blogger you want to pass the award on to, and let them know you’ve done so, and let the giver of your award know you accept it…or not.

Alright, let’s get to business. Seven random facts about myself:

1. I have a very sweet tooth. I can eat cakes, chocolates and ice creams everyday for life if not for diabetes and obesity.
2. I have never been to a concert in my whole life even though I am an absolute music lover. I hope to change this very soon.
3. I love hot and spicy food very much. I can eat raw chillies dipped in soy sauce with almost anything. Sometimes I don’t feel totally satisfied with my eating experience until I feel that heat on my tongue!
4. I have never held a baby in my life. I like looking at them because they are so cute, but I always think I might break them or make them cry if I get closer! Let’s just say I have a way with small animals but not small humans.
5. I am a die-hard fan of Indiana Jones. I can watch Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade over and over and over again. Harrison Ford rocks!
6. My all time dream holiday destination is Greece. I fell in love with the place ever since watching Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 and Mamma Mia. Such a beautiful place!
7. My favourite activities in the whole wide world, like my REAL favourites, are eating and sleeping *blush*!

Now, I would like to pass on the Versatile Blogger Award to 15 12 of my favourite bloggers whom I follow very closely. Sorry I can’t come up with 15 because I am still new remember? Vix is also one of my favourites, but she is the one who passed me the award, and I know my other favourite, Nicole has also received one. So lucky 12 it is. They are all awesome, do check them out yourselves!

And…..The Versatile Blogger Award goes to (in no particular order):

1. Shinloo at The Geographically Blind
2. Genn at Cadencies
3. Danielle at A Happy Peach
4. Mindy at Finding Silver Linings
5. Nadia at The Expats
6. Pervisha at As’salamo Alaikum
7. Kimberly at Narcicissm is Necessary
8. Suanie at As Suanie Sees It
9. Margie at A Lighter Shade Of Gray
10. Jaclyn at Jaclyn Rae’s Blog
11. Diane at Simply Diane
12. Debbie at 24atHeart

Congratulations everyone!

Unblocked!

On my 52nd post on Tien Unscripted, I had a “blogging meltdown” – major blogger’s block. I have mentioned that I am not proud of some of the posts I published because they are mundane, boring and “forced”, that particular post included. I take that back! I am so glad I wrote and published that post, reaching out to other bloggers out there.

That post was a product of frustration and a desperate attempt of getting a blog post published anyway. I am so touched by all your kind comments, encouraging words, tips, suggestions and your sharing of experiences about blogging with me. I realise now that I have been approaching blogging the wrong way. I was trying too hard and being too hard on myself! I forgot that blogging should be light, fun and casual.

So folks, from today onwards, my blogging motto is K.I.S.S – Keep It Simple, Sweet.

Thanks for being there and offering your support, assuring me that I am not alone. Even though we are “practically strangers”, I feel like I have known y’all a long time…..at least in the blogosphere! Now I can truly testify that the best thing about blogging is getting to know wonderful, wonderful blogger friends whom I can always turn to whenever I need a shoulder to lean on.

I am so inspired and fired-up by your inputs that I have decided to compile all the tips and suggestions you have made and dedicate it to all bloggers out there. I re-phrased some of your words to make them fit nicely in this post, hope you don’t mind. It’s your brilliant suggestions that matter

Now everytime I feel like I can’t blog, this is the post I will re-read and re-read and re-read over, and over again…!

You are my rock, love y’all!

“Whenever I run out of things to say, I start taking pictures or recall random things about me and blog about it.” -Nadia-

“I capitalise on the days when I have a lot of things to say, by saving draft posts, some just with titles and some with just a few words – to remind me what I want to write about when I run out of things to write. Pictures are a good way to ‘cheat’ and it’s something I use often. If not, you can consider sharing meaningful quotes.” -Genn-

“I round-up interesting things I’ve found out or thought about throughout the week and shcedule it for Fridays. None of them constitute to a full post. I use Google Reader to keep my feeds in. It lets me add a star to the posts I like and a review of the starred items help job my memory” -Margie-

“Pick a theme or one part of your day, like at three in the afternoon and take a picture no matter what you are doing. We all get those little moments that makes it harder to compose our thoughts, or figure out what we want to talk about. We’re all here for each other.” -Danielle-

“On days when I have a lot of ideas, I make drafts. On my writer’s block days, I polish up my drafts. Sometimes I play off of my mood. If I’m feeling nostalgic, I’ll write about a memory. If I’m feeling excited, I’ll write about something I am looking forward to. Don’t stress! It’s supposed to be fun!” -Mindy-

“Never ever think of the subject that much, it will only ruin your flow of words! As far as the post ideas for blogging are concerned, well look around! There are topics everywhere. You just need to learn to pick up things and mold them into your blog.” -Pervisha-

“I think it helps to find your nitch and to know your readers. One thing I do now is to have scheduled days. I have Saturday Snapshot so I only need to post a picture. I have Sunday Fixin’, so I post a recipe. I think I’m going to start Fitness Fridays in which I talk about my determination to get back into shape. So now I only have to worry about Mondays through Thursdays.” -Nicole-

“I think it’s best to post whenever you have something to say. Otherwise, read.” -Julie-

“When I blog, I have something to say and am not forcing things. I think best blogs are inspired by a sense of fascination with the world and what is happening currently, either to me personally or in the world. Timeliness and relevancy to current feelings or situations create the most interesting and authentic blogs. A couple of other things I love about blogging, is sharing links, sharing information, making someone else’s world richer with things that I have discovered or have given me an ah-ha moment. If you are bogged down by the blog and have too much to say and can’t figure out how to sort it all out and then just throw in the towel because you are afraid that you aren’t sounding absolutely brilliant (a curse of course because all bloggers want to sound brilliant and witty), try just limiting yourself to a paragraph. Write about what is in your mind at that moment but in the briefest manner possible. You connect with your readers, feel good about yourself too because you are keeping your blog alive with your thoughts! Think of it like as if you were tweeting something. But just a tad longer.” -Melissa-

Another Round of CNY Dinner

6/2/2011

Terry and I prepared another round of CNY dinner at our place with amazing company – Mike & Lin and Peter & Kinleng.

8 dishes, 1 soup, 1/2 a watermelon, 6 diners and abundance of laughter, fellowship and CNY spirit.

I feel truly blessed

CNY Dinner at Home

4/2/2011

It was the second day (chor 2) of Chinese New Year (CNY) and also a Friday. Terry and I have planned to prepare a special CNY dinner for our Kiwi flatmates Hannah and Murray. I have decided to make the traditional CNY vegetarian dish (zhai-choy), a vegetable stir-fry, pork stew and of course, Yee Sang (Rainbow Raw Fish Salad)….!!

In accordance with CNY culture, I have asked everyone to wear something red for dinner that night. The highlight of the dinner was the Yee Sang which we insisted that Hannah and Murray join us to toss the salad as high as possible while shouting prosperous CNY greetings.

In case you were wondering why Terry and I were laughing most of the time or if you were trying to make out what Hannah and Murray were rambling about….Terry had prepared a list of typical CNY greetings, complete with parody translations and Cantonese pin-yin which we asked them to blurt out non-stop during the low-sang! It was good fun

After dinner, Hannah won us all over in a game of Monopoly!

Lots of laughter, lots of warmth and lots of fun are some of the phrases I would use to describe our little CNY party that night. Thanks Hannah and Murray for making us feel like CNY at home!

Wishing everyone year year got fish…..haha! (年年有余 – May you always get more than you wish for every year.)

Happy Chinese New Year, Kiwi-Bunny Style!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Say hello to Newton, Hannah's cute bunny

The Lunar New Year of the Rabbit arrived almost unnoticed here in New Zealand on 3 February 2011. No Chinese New Year (CNY) ‘tung-chiang-tung-chiang’ songs, no CNY-rush traffic jams, no red ornaments or CNY banners in shops, no CNY TV shows, heck I even had to go to university on the first day of CNY (chor 1)!

The second day of CNY (chor 2) fell on a Friday. I decided I deserved at least a little holiday for CNY and took a day off, and I spent it preparing a few CNY dishes for our Kiwi flatmates Hannah and Murray; sort of to make up for a family reunion dinner Terry and I did not get to have on the eve of CNY.

On the other hand, knowing that Terry and I were thousands of miles away from home during this major Chinese festival, Hannah and Murray was really sweet and thoughtful. They made it a point to celebrate with us and make us feel just at home. Guess what they gave us as CNY gift?! (Hint: Not red packets of cash…. )

A surprise CNY gift

Many weeks ago, I had casually asked Hannah about fishing and crabbing in New Zealand. I have never gone fishing in my life and had always wanted to go on a fishing trip. Just to get us started, Hannah and Murray presented us with a fishing kit complete with baits and hooks and floats and…..an awesome fillet knife! We were so touched with their attention to detail….

Now a fishing trip with them is definitely in my to-do-list in the year of the Rabbit!

Next up: CNY dinner with my Kiwi ‘family’.

What is Your Purpose in Life?

The other day, I had an interesting conversation with a wise friend which revolved around the big question: “What is your purpose in life?”

If asked this question a few years ago, I would have quickly related the answer to be somewhat religious. And being a non-religious person, I was under the impression that I could never be able to give a satisfactory answer. True enough, I did not know the answer. I was so eager to give the right answer that my mind went blank thinking of one. I was intimidated by the question.

When faced with the same question once again a few days ago, I gave it a little thought and suddenly had a eureka moment. Right then and there. I came to the realisation that this question has no right answer, it’s really a question of opinion. I said smiling, “I know it’s a little vague, but my purpose in life is to be happy.”

My friend assured me that my answer was not vague at all. In fact she thought it was very specific. We discussed further and I arrived at some interesting conclusions about myself. Now that I know what my purpose in life is, I started to think about ways in which I could live my life, driven by that specific purpose.

We both acknowledged that the state of being happy is highly subjective to every individual, life situation and most importantly – timing. In my opinion, I will truly be happy when I have contentment in life. In order to be contented, I need to pursue all my “wants” to come to the stage where I could finally say “I am happy now.” Of course I cannot deny the complication of not knowing what I want. I might think I want something, but I wouldn’t really know until I got it. Agree?

Instead of pondering on my doubts, I decided to put things in action now. Well because life is short and I am not there yet! At the present moment, I think I will be happy if I can graduate by year 2012 and start living a life that I enjoy. Well, what kind of life would I enjoy? That’s another story for another post

For now, I should focus to make this work. When come 2012, I will decide again if I am truly happy or….plan something else. I shall keep doing this until I find contentment in life. This may take me a few years or a lifetime (let’s hope it’s not the latter…). Then, I can be happy.

So tell me, what is your purpose in life…?

Twenty Eleven

Happy New Year!

Tomorrow the university re-opens and thus the 13-day Christmas and New Year holidays are over. This year’s holiday was not as fruitful as the last where Terry and I went on a 3-day road trip to Tauranga, Rotorua and Taupo. I was initially toying with the idea of travelling to the South Island, particularly to Christchurch and Queenstown. Well, I did not really get down to business and worked out a plan so we ended up spending most days lazing at home or visiting friends’ homes for dinner!

My flatmate Hannah and Murray threw a Christmas Eve party and a New Year Eve party at our place and we had great company and food both occasions. Terry and I were invited to Ted and Magda’s for a traditional Christmas roast dinner complete with roast turkey and ham. And then Kinleng and Peter invited us for another round of home-cooked roast dinner 2 days after. Peter showed me how to prepare a complete roast chicken meal with gravy, and sides of roast vegetables, mashed potatoes and peas and corn. Not to mention traditional apple crumble for dessert. Looking back, the holidays were all about food, food and more food! I think I gained weight *gasp*!

The year 2010 was a challenging year for me. The year started with me being granted confirmed PhD candidate status after an oral examination and submission of a piece of written work on my progress during my provisional first year. Shortly after, I went back to Malaysia in February to spend Chinese New Year, my first visit back home in 18 months. I had a blast! Other memorable getaways include Waiheke Island, Coromandel, Adelaide and Japan!

Had a wonderful harvest from my first ever green patch, my backyard project – strawberries, corn, capsicum and cucumber. Moved houses (again) and started joining the university gym. Met an old friend, Bee who came to New Zealand on a Working Holiday.

My PhD progress in year 2010 was not as I expected. It was not satisfactory. Plans did not work resulted in delays. Change of plans and more delays. There were a lot of times when I was simply de-motivated leading to procrastination and more delays. Attended my first academic conference, CHEMECA in Adelaide but came back to conflicts with my superior, very long story *sighs*. Swallowed my pride, took all the blame, learnt and moved on.

Twenty eleven is here and I feel ready and energised. Tomorrow is a new day, new academic term and no more delays! Unfortunately, I will be spending my Chinese New Year away from home and family in Malaysia this year but I look forward to company and fellowship with good friends, more harvests from my vege patch, move closer to my graduation and oh blog consistently!

2011 bring it on!